i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
