We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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