You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
