Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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