Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
