I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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