I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
