So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
