I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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