She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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