my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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