we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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