we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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