see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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