Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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