Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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