I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
