So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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