I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
