I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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