I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
