absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
