U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
