There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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