I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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