Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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