god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
