Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
