Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
