we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
