Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
