The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
