eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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