Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he just fucked me for my cheese..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
