So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
