it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
