You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I would ride that face into the sunset
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm having to shit out rocks
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