Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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