I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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