I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
