hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize