You just made me feel so damn special
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
