I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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