Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
