i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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