I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
