oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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