you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
