How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
