WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
