This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
