Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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