Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
