My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
