I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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