People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
