We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
