It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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