I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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