I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
