how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I deserve this hangover.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
