If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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