Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
