Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
