i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He kissed a someone with a penis
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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