Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
