called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
