just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
