so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize