.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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