dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
